I'm making a new blog and discontinuing this one. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm feeling a real need to create something (for my mental health, fah real), and I think words are my medium. I'm starting a new blog rather than firing up the old one because I feel like I'm in a new place mentally compared to where I was in 2015. This blog is mostly about me exploring Peace Corps life (what an experience--still the best decision I've ever made), but the new blog is more about me being self indulgent and exploring the books I read, the shows I watch, the music I listen to, my take on pop culture and politics, and generally fleshing out the random thoughts that I jot down in my journal or record voice memos about in my phone.
Come crawl inside my head: https://grownupaja.blogspot.com/
Love y'all,
Aja
Monday, November 4, 2019
Sunday, November 3, 2019
Binge-watching Pose and Atypical
This weekend I binge-watched the second season of Atypical and the second season of Pose, both on Netflix.
The reason both shows really suck me in are the healthy and nuanced interpersonal relationships. That's one thing that I wish I had in my life.
I relate my reaction to these shows to the way some people like to watch shows with fancy cars or expensive things and fantasize about having a big house. Or how some people (women, stereotypically) watch romance films and fantasize about having a hot guy in their life to wait on them hand and foot. Or how some people like to watch family shoes and dream about having kids and blah blah blah--both those things aren't what does it for me. Romance movies don't make me cry and big fancy houses don't make me excited. But when I see story lines involving a parent who really sees and understands their child--I'm gonna get a lump in my throat every time. Both Atypical and Pose do that.
In Atypical, whenever I see one character going out of the way to take care of another character--Sam saving Zahid from throwing away his nursing degree progress, Doug surprising Elsa by buying the lavender candle she wanted, Paige making Sam a care package to apologize for something she did--I just look at it and go, is it possible to have people around you who care for you like that? To have dynamic relationships with people around you with whom you spend time on a regular basis? People who care about you and take care of you? That's the dream. I'm so fiercely independent, I've never had that. It was never a problem when I was little but now that I'm getting older I really want to rearrange my life to try and find some of that in my life. I want people who are going to go out of there way to make sure that I'm okay, and I want to feel committed to those people such that I'd do the same in return. I mean the way that Elsa and Doug really pay attention to the details of both of her teenage children -- that's amazing. Both of them really do all they can to provide stable and happy homes for Sam and Casey. Those kids are so lucky.
Obviously Pose is groundbreaking in it's representation of people of color (especially black people and Latinxs) in the LGBTQ community and transgender women of color in particular -- but there has already been plenty of commentary written on that all across the internet. I'm a cisgender black women who doesn't really consider herself part of the LGBT community, so I'm sure there are plenty of other people who can provide more insightful commentary. As a human being, though, aside from celebrating the success of the show for it's human representation of people who don't normally have their stories told on a mainstream platform, I'm also in love with the way it shows the building of a community of people who love each other in real ways. In the ballroom culture, ball mothers bring in children who have often been rejected by their biological family and by society at large. By forming these houses, they form a community of people who choose to really love each other in a context where that love can sometimes be one of few beautiful things borne out of that experience. I think many people, especially in an individualistic society like the United States, can related to the feeling of loneliness that some of the characters feel. Many of us may never have been thrown out by our families or lived on the street, but even so, remembering that loneliness that we have felt means we really feel those heartstrings get pulled when Papi finds himself back on the street again, or when he returns home and his mother still loves him. That feeling of loneliness is the reason I feel a lump in my throat ever time Blanca tells Damian that she's proud of him or does something that shows how much she cares as a mother.
Also, the love is REAL! The characters say real shit to each other and don't hold back. It's raw. I love that. That's the way I want to be with the people closest to me. No filter, life is too short.
I love shows that exhibit healthy and nuanced friendships and romantic relationships as well, don't get me wrong. But when I see a parent caring for a child--that's the foundation of any of the love that we learn to experience in the world. Our love for and relationship with (or lack thereof) with our parents colors everything else that comes after it.
The reason both shows really suck me in are the healthy and nuanced interpersonal relationships. That's one thing that I wish I had in my life.
I relate my reaction to these shows to the way some people like to watch shows with fancy cars or expensive things and fantasize about having a big house. Or how some people (women, stereotypically) watch romance films and fantasize about having a hot guy in their life to wait on them hand and foot. Or how some people like to watch family shoes and dream about having kids and blah blah blah--both those things aren't what does it for me. Romance movies don't make me cry and big fancy houses don't make me excited. But when I see story lines involving a parent who really sees and understands their child--I'm gonna get a lump in my throat every time. Both Atypical and Pose do that.
In Atypical, whenever I see one character going out of the way to take care of another character--Sam saving Zahid from throwing away his nursing degree progress, Doug surprising Elsa by buying the lavender candle she wanted, Paige making Sam a care package to apologize for something she did--I just look at it and go, is it possible to have people around you who care for you like that? To have dynamic relationships with people around you with whom you spend time on a regular basis? People who care about you and take care of you? That's the dream. I'm so fiercely independent, I've never had that. It was never a problem when I was little but now that I'm getting older I really want to rearrange my life to try and find some of that in my life. I want people who are going to go out of there way to make sure that I'm okay, and I want to feel committed to those people such that I'd do the same in return. I mean the way that Elsa and Doug really pay attention to the details of both of her teenage children -- that's amazing. Both of them really do all they can to provide stable and happy homes for Sam and Casey. Those kids are so lucky.
Obviously Pose is groundbreaking in it's representation of people of color (especially black people and Latinxs) in the LGBTQ community and transgender women of color in particular -- but there has already been plenty of commentary written on that all across the internet. I'm a cisgender black women who doesn't really consider herself part of the LGBT community, so I'm sure there are plenty of other people who can provide more insightful commentary. As a human being, though, aside from celebrating the success of the show for it's human representation of people who don't normally have their stories told on a mainstream platform, I'm also in love with the way it shows the building of a community of people who love each other in real ways. In the ballroom culture, ball mothers bring in children who have often been rejected by their biological family and by society at large. By forming these houses, they form a community of people who choose to really love each other in a context where that love can sometimes be one of few beautiful things borne out of that experience. I think many people, especially in an individualistic society like the United States, can related to the feeling of loneliness that some of the characters feel. Many of us may never have been thrown out by our families or lived on the street, but even so, remembering that loneliness that we have felt means we really feel those heartstrings get pulled when Papi finds himself back on the street again, or when he returns home and his mother still loves him. That feeling of loneliness is the reason I feel a lump in my throat ever time Blanca tells Damian that she's proud of him or does something that shows how much she cares as a mother.
Also, the love is REAL! The characters say real shit to each other and don't hold back. It's raw. I love that. That's the way I want to be with the people closest to me. No filter, life is too short.
I love shows that exhibit healthy and nuanced friendships and romantic relationships as well, don't get me wrong. But when I see a parent caring for a child--that's the foundation of any of the love that we learn to experience in the world. Our love for and relationship with (or lack thereof) with our parents colors everything else that comes after it.
Thursday, June 6, 2019
I made a recording.
Once upon a time a couple months ago I was sad and started seeing a therapist.
She gave me a pep talk and now here we are. I'm doing the blog and I'm making sound recordings. Enjoy my rambling.
Sunday, May 5, 2019
4 Years Later
So I need to create stuff.
It's now 2019. I stopped writing in this blog 4 years ago when I finished my Peace Corps service and I've lived 4 years worth of life since then. To give credit to my time in Panama, there has been no 2 year span of life that has taught me more than my Peace Corps service--no contest. At the same time, it's 2019 and I'm more of an adult than I was coming out of Peace Corps. I have a grown-up job, I'm dating a real live boy, and my political opinions are way more developed than they were in 2015. And yet, there is something I'm looking to pull back from my Peace Corps days. I need to create!
These days I'm still reading books (not to the same extent I was in Peace Corps, but still), and I'm still listening to music. I am who I am, ya know that's not gonna change. The biggest change recently is that I have a 9-5 job and I have bills like a regular person. At the same time, I don't want to lose my sense of creativity and curiosity. I still want to keep doing new things and exploring new ideas, and most of all I need to create. Creativity is what makes people human. Whatever I create doesn't have to be good. I don't have to share it with anyone if I don't want to. But it needs to be something that I made. Creating something reminds me that I'm an individual and I have my own unique flavor to add to the world.
So yea, its gonna happen. I'm thinking writing and podcasting, because words have always been my medium. Words are important to me and they're how I express myself. I'll probably just post some things to SoundCloud or write some blogposts here just to be able to look back on them and know that I made something. That's enough for me.
Saturday, April 25, 2015
I'm not in the Peace Corps.
I’m
not a Peace Corps Volunteer.
You
read that correctly. As of April 8, 2015 I have officially successfully
completed my two-year Peace Corps service and I am now a Returned Peace Corps
Volunteer (RPCV). . .ok, I haven’t quite ‘R-ed’ yet, but you get the idea.
Close-of-Service,
or ‘COS’ week went very smoothly, despite the fact that Summit of the Americas
was happening in Panama City during the week that I was running around doing my
last medical and dental checks and completing paperwork to be able to submit
everything to finish my Peace Corps service on time.
Afterward,
I had the most AMAZING vacation in Colombia with a few of my favorite people. I
got to visit Cartagena, Medellin, Rio Claro, Bogota and Villa de Leyva and it
was the most glorious thing ever.
I’m
not trying to trivialize unemployment, but in my peculiarly
unemployed-yet-worryfree state right now. . .I’m in good spot. I had exactly
zero concerns or worries during my twelve days of galavanting around Panama’s
South American neighbor. I won’t take the time to recount my whole journey, but
just know that I got to dance, karaoke, and spend time with friends I hadn’t
seen in two years. It was wonderful.
I’m
currently back in Meteti for my last four days. It feels good to be in my Darien
home and—would you believe it?—my brain does not believe that I’m peacing out
of here on Tuesday. It felt so good to come back to my house and sleep in my
bed and see my cat and shop in my store and hear the tipico music playing across
the street—I guess being uprooted may prove a little difficult.
I’m
ready for it, though. I’ve given it a lot of thought and prepared as best as I
can, and on Tuesday I’ll be taking the leap. (I just keep reminding myself that
in exactly one week I’ll be laughing until I cry when I go to see Kevin Hart’s
show in Charlotte.)
Okay
family and friends, I’ll be seeing y’all in a little while!
What I've read recently:
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly - Jean Dominique Bauby
Black Cool: One Thousand Streams of Blackness - Rebecca Walker
I'd Rather We Got Casinos and Other Black Thoughts - Larry Wilmore
The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
What I've read recently:
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly - Jean Dominique Bauby
Black Cool: One Thousand Streams of Blackness - Rebecca Walker
I'd Rather We Got Casinos and Other Black Thoughts - Larry Wilmore
The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
Thursday, April 2, 2015
The Time is Near
As my Peace Corps service continues to draw to a close, I am realizing more and more how this move back to the States will be the transition to end all transitions. If this next month doesn’t make my head explode, then I am 100% invincible. I’ve already survived one teary despedida (going-away party) for one of my closest Peace Corps friends and the sad goodbyes continued later that day when my unofficial sitemate gringo came by my house as he made his way to leave the Darien for good—and that’s just the beginning.
I’ll be in my house for the next three days packing my stuff for my Close-of-Service week in Panama City as well as my 12-day trip to Colombia that will immediately follow. During this time, I’ll also be pasearing in my community to say some goodbyes to my friends in Meteti that have really helped me find my way around town for the past two years and have helped me feel at home.
It’s so odd being at this crossroads of ending one of the most transformative experiences of my life (it’s like this and high school marching band, no lie) and yet knowing that I’m about to embark on a huge crazy adventure in DC and Jersey once I leave the Darien.
Just thinking about readjusting to life in the States is enough to make me dizzy. As soon as I’m back, I’ve got to get:
• a pedicure (#1 on the list. . .these dogs are barkin’)
• a phone (to WhatsApp my Pana-people!)
• a computer (for grad school)
• new clothes (Operation: Dress Like a Grown-up)
• Business Cards
• Online statistics courses (I need to brush up on some stats)
And of course I’ve got to spend some quality time with my family before I take off again. Luckily, I have:
• A month of free time of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING (except Kevin Hart and a cookout) before I begin my awesome swanky DC summer internship
• A sister who is serving as a major crutch as I ease back into the whole repatriation deal.
I think the whole thing sounds do-able, right?
Welp, even if it’s not, it’s about to get DONE anyway.
Much love to everyone in the States. I’ll be seeing you lovely people THIS MONTH (can you believe it?).
Aja
What I've Been Reading (the Darien-to-US prep has slowed down my literary digestion. . .)
Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea Barbara Demick
I’ll be in my house for the next three days packing my stuff for my Close-of-Service week in Panama City as well as my 12-day trip to Colombia that will immediately follow. During this time, I’ll also be pasearing in my community to say some goodbyes to my friends in Meteti that have really helped me find my way around town for the past two years and have helped me feel at home.
It’s so odd being at this crossroads of ending one of the most transformative experiences of my life (it’s like this and high school marching band, no lie) and yet knowing that I’m about to embark on a huge crazy adventure in DC and Jersey once I leave the Darien.
Just thinking about readjusting to life in the States is enough to make me dizzy. As soon as I’m back, I’ve got to get:
• a pedicure (#1 on the list. . .these dogs are barkin’)
• a phone (to WhatsApp my Pana-people!)
• a computer (for grad school)
• new clothes (Operation: Dress Like a Grown-up)
• Business Cards
• Online statistics courses (I need to brush up on some stats)
And of course I’ve got to spend some quality time with my family before I take off again. Luckily, I have:
• A month of free time of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING (except Kevin Hart and a cookout) before I begin my awesome swanky DC summer internship
• A sister who is serving as a major crutch as I ease back into the whole repatriation deal.
I think the whole thing sounds do-able, right?
Welp, even if it’s not, it’s about to get DONE anyway.
Much love to everyone in the States. I’ll be seeing you lovely people THIS MONTH (can you believe it?).
Aja
What I've Been Reading (the Darien-to-US prep has slowed down my literary digestion. . .)
Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea Barbara Demick
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Peace Corps to Foreign Service
*SPOILER ALERT* This is a braggy blog post. I’m going to be a Foreign Service Officer.
Hey guys—I just got some crazy amazing news that I have yet to wrap my head around. Bear with me.
Ok, so when we last checked in I was waiting to hear back from grad schools. I had already been accepted to:
-Syracuse Maxwell School of Public Affairs (MPA)
-Duke Sanford School of Public Policy (MPP)
Since that time, I’ve received acceptances from:
-UC Berkeley Goldman School of Public Policy (MPP)
-U of Michigan Ford School of Public Policy (MPP)
-Princeton University Woodrow Wilson School of Public & International Affairs (MPA)
-Harvard Kennedy School of Government (MPP)
Aka I got in everywhere I applied. (WHAT?!?) Several of these schools gave me AMAZING funding offers. As time went on and I began hearing back from more schools, I began to get excited. When I got offered funding from Berkeley (1 yr tuition+$5,000), I was surprised. When I got the offer from Michigan (full tuition+$9,500 stipend per semester+health insurance) I was super excited. By the time I got the email from Princeton (who funds all of their students) I was literally so overwhelmed that I just cried big ugly tears—how in the world could this be happening to me? Princeton’s MPA program is my top choice, and I’m SO EXCITED to attend in the fall.
But wait. The good news doesn’t stop there.
I’ve been awarded a crazy fellowship from the State Department. Remember how I want to be a Foreign Service Officer? Well, check all over that. This fellowship has got it covered. Let me try and explain.
The Charles B. Rangel Foreign Affairs Graduate Program is a partnership between Howard University and the State Department. This program seeks to recruit candidates from underrepresented populations (i.e.: minorities) to serve in the Department of State’s diplomatic service (aka my dream job).
Graduate fellows complete a two year graduate program, and upon graduation, enter into the Foreign Service for a minimum of five (5) years. Fellows receive financial assistance to fund their studies, as well as funding for two (2) ten-week summer internships: one on Capitol Hill the summer before beginning the graduate program and one at a US Embassy abroad between the first and second year of graduate study.
TLDR; I have the next seven years of my life planned out EXACTLY the way I would have wished. Princeton’s MPA program even has an agreement with the Rangel Fellows program so that I will actually end up getting paid to go to graduate school!
Check it out, I’m a professional student.
I’m stoked; can you tell?!?
Shout out to my whole family in the States. We on the come-up, y’all!
I’ve got another month left in my Peace Corps Service and about a month and a half until I return to the United States. I’m going to do all I can to make the most out of the short time I have left in my Darien home. I can’t wait to see all my friends and fam in the States! Nos vemos pronto!
Hey guys—I just got some crazy amazing news that I have yet to wrap my head around. Bear with me.
Ok, so when we last checked in I was waiting to hear back from grad schools. I had already been accepted to:
-Syracuse Maxwell School of Public Affairs (MPA)
-Duke Sanford School of Public Policy (MPP)
Since that time, I’ve received acceptances from:
-UC Berkeley Goldman School of Public Policy (MPP)
-U of Michigan Ford School of Public Policy (MPP)
-Princeton University Woodrow Wilson School of Public & International Affairs (MPA)
-Harvard Kennedy School of Government (MPP)
Aka I got in everywhere I applied. (WHAT?!?) Several of these schools gave me AMAZING funding offers. As time went on and I began hearing back from more schools, I began to get excited. When I got offered funding from Berkeley (1 yr tuition+$5,000), I was surprised. When I got the offer from Michigan (full tuition+$9,500 stipend per semester+health insurance) I was super excited. By the time I got the email from Princeton (who funds all of their students) I was literally so overwhelmed that I just cried big ugly tears—how in the world could this be happening to me? Princeton’s MPA program is my top choice, and I’m SO EXCITED to attend in the fall.
But wait. The good news doesn’t stop there.
I’ve been awarded a crazy fellowship from the State Department. Remember how I want to be a Foreign Service Officer? Well, check all over that. This fellowship has got it covered. Let me try and explain.
The Charles B. Rangel Foreign Affairs Graduate Program is a partnership between Howard University and the State Department. This program seeks to recruit candidates from underrepresented populations (i.e.: minorities) to serve in the Department of State’s diplomatic service (aka my dream job).
Graduate fellows complete a two year graduate program, and upon graduation, enter into the Foreign Service for a minimum of five (5) years. Fellows receive financial assistance to fund their studies, as well as funding for two (2) ten-week summer internships: one on Capitol Hill the summer before beginning the graduate program and one at a US Embassy abroad between the first and second year of graduate study.
TLDR; I have the next seven years of my life planned out EXACTLY the way I would have wished. Princeton’s MPA program even has an agreement with the Rangel Fellows program so that I will actually end up getting paid to go to graduate school!
Check it out, I’m a professional student.
I’m stoked; can you tell?!?
Shout out to my whole family in the States. We on the come-up, y’all!
I’ve got another month left in my Peace Corps Service and about a month and a half until I return to the United States. I’m going to do all I can to make the most out of the short time I have left in my Darien home. I can’t wait to see all my friends and fam in the States! Nos vemos pronto!
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