I'm making a new blog and discontinuing this one. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm feeling a real need to create something (for my mental health, fah real), and I think words are my medium. I'm starting a new blog rather than firing up the old one because I feel like I'm in a new place mentally compared to where I was in 2015. This blog is mostly about me exploring Peace Corps life (what an experience--still the best decision I've ever made), but the new blog is more about me being self indulgent and exploring the books I read, the shows I watch, the music I listen to, my take on pop culture and politics, and generally fleshing out the random thoughts that I jot down in my journal or record voice memos about in my phone.
Come crawl inside my head: https://grownupaja.blogspot.com/
Love y'all,
Aja
Monday, November 4, 2019
Sunday, November 3, 2019
Binge-watching Pose and Atypical
This weekend I binge-watched the second season of Atypical and the second season of Pose, both on Netflix.
The reason both shows really suck me in are the healthy and nuanced interpersonal relationships. That's one thing that I wish I had in my life.
I relate my reaction to these shows to the way some people like to watch shows with fancy cars or expensive things and fantasize about having a big house. Or how some people (women, stereotypically) watch romance films and fantasize about having a hot guy in their life to wait on them hand and foot. Or how some people like to watch family shoes and dream about having kids and blah blah blah--both those things aren't what does it for me. Romance movies don't make me cry and big fancy houses don't make me excited. But when I see story lines involving a parent who really sees and understands their child--I'm gonna get a lump in my throat every time. Both Atypical and Pose do that.
In Atypical, whenever I see one character going out of the way to take care of another character--Sam saving Zahid from throwing away his nursing degree progress, Doug surprising Elsa by buying the lavender candle she wanted, Paige making Sam a care package to apologize for something she did--I just look at it and go, is it possible to have people around you who care for you like that? To have dynamic relationships with people around you with whom you spend time on a regular basis? People who care about you and take care of you? That's the dream. I'm so fiercely independent, I've never had that. It was never a problem when I was little but now that I'm getting older I really want to rearrange my life to try and find some of that in my life. I want people who are going to go out of there way to make sure that I'm okay, and I want to feel committed to those people such that I'd do the same in return. I mean the way that Elsa and Doug really pay attention to the details of both of her teenage children -- that's amazing. Both of them really do all they can to provide stable and happy homes for Sam and Casey. Those kids are so lucky.
Obviously Pose is groundbreaking in it's representation of people of color (especially black people and Latinxs) in the LGBTQ community and transgender women of color in particular -- but there has already been plenty of commentary written on that all across the internet. I'm a cisgender black women who doesn't really consider herself part of the LGBT community, so I'm sure there are plenty of other people who can provide more insightful commentary. As a human being, though, aside from celebrating the success of the show for it's human representation of people who don't normally have their stories told on a mainstream platform, I'm also in love with the way it shows the building of a community of people who love each other in real ways. In the ballroom culture, ball mothers bring in children who have often been rejected by their biological family and by society at large. By forming these houses, they form a community of people who choose to really love each other in a context where that love can sometimes be one of few beautiful things borne out of that experience. I think many people, especially in an individualistic society like the United States, can related to the feeling of loneliness that some of the characters feel. Many of us may never have been thrown out by our families or lived on the street, but even so, remembering that loneliness that we have felt means we really feel those heartstrings get pulled when Papi finds himself back on the street again, or when he returns home and his mother still loves him. That feeling of loneliness is the reason I feel a lump in my throat ever time Blanca tells Damian that she's proud of him or does something that shows how much she cares as a mother.
Also, the love is REAL! The characters say real shit to each other and don't hold back. It's raw. I love that. That's the way I want to be with the people closest to me. No filter, life is too short.
I love shows that exhibit healthy and nuanced friendships and romantic relationships as well, don't get me wrong. But when I see a parent caring for a child--that's the foundation of any of the love that we learn to experience in the world. Our love for and relationship with (or lack thereof) with our parents colors everything else that comes after it.
The reason both shows really suck me in are the healthy and nuanced interpersonal relationships. That's one thing that I wish I had in my life.
I relate my reaction to these shows to the way some people like to watch shows with fancy cars or expensive things and fantasize about having a big house. Or how some people (women, stereotypically) watch romance films and fantasize about having a hot guy in their life to wait on them hand and foot. Or how some people like to watch family shoes and dream about having kids and blah blah blah--both those things aren't what does it for me. Romance movies don't make me cry and big fancy houses don't make me excited. But when I see story lines involving a parent who really sees and understands their child--I'm gonna get a lump in my throat every time. Both Atypical and Pose do that.
In Atypical, whenever I see one character going out of the way to take care of another character--Sam saving Zahid from throwing away his nursing degree progress, Doug surprising Elsa by buying the lavender candle she wanted, Paige making Sam a care package to apologize for something she did--I just look at it and go, is it possible to have people around you who care for you like that? To have dynamic relationships with people around you with whom you spend time on a regular basis? People who care about you and take care of you? That's the dream. I'm so fiercely independent, I've never had that. It was never a problem when I was little but now that I'm getting older I really want to rearrange my life to try and find some of that in my life. I want people who are going to go out of there way to make sure that I'm okay, and I want to feel committed to those people such that I'd do the same in return. I mean the way that Elsa and Doug really pay attention to the details of both of her teenage children -- that's amazing. Both of them really do all they can to provide stable and happy homes for Sam and Casey. Those kids are so lucky.
Obviously Pose is groundbreaking in it's representation of people of color (especially black people and Latinxs) in the LGBTQ community and transgender women of color in particular -- but there has already been plenty of commentary written on that all across the internet. I'm a cisgender black women who doesn't really consider herself part of the LGBT community, so I'm sure there are plenty of other people who can provide more insightful commentary. As a human being, though, aside from celebrating the success of the show for it's human representation of people who don't normally have their stories told on a mainstream platform, I'm also in love with the way it shows the building of a community of people who love each other in real ways. In the ballroom culture, ball mothers bring in children who have often been rejected by their biological family and by society at large. By forming these houses, they form a community of people who choose to really love each other in a context where that love can sometimes be one of few beautiful things borne out of that experience. I think many people, especially in an individualistic society like the United States, can related to the feeling of loneliness that some of the characters feel. Many of us may never have been thrown out by our families or lived on the street, but even so, remembering that loneliness that we have felt means we really feel those heartstrings get pulled when Papi finds himself back on the street again, or when he returns home and his mother still loves him. That feeling of loneliness is the reason I feel a lump in my throat ever time Blanca tells Damian that she's proud of him or does something that shows how much she cares as a mother.
Also, the love is REAL! The characters say real shit to each other and don't hold back. It's raw. I love that. That's the way I want to be with the people closest to me. No filter, life is too short.
I love shows that exhibit healthy and nuanced friendships and romantic relationships as well, don't get me wrong. But when I see a parent caring for a child--that's the foundation of any of the love that we learn to experience in the world. Our love for and relationship with (or lack thereof) with our parents colors everything else that comes after it.
Thursday, June 6, 2019
I made a recording.
Once upon a time a couple months ago I was sad and started seeing a therapist.
She gave me a pep talk and now here we are. I'm doing the blog and I'm making sound recordings. Enjoy my rambling.
Sunday, May 5, 2019
4 Years Later
So I need to create stuff.
It's now 2019. I stopped writing in this blog 4 years ago when I finished my Peace Corps service and I've lived 4 years worth of life since then. To give credit to my time in Panama, there has been no 2 year span of life that has taught me more than my Peace Corps service--no contest. At the same time, it's 2019 and I'm more of an adult than I was coming out of Peace Corps. I have a grown-up job, I'm dating a real live boy, and my political opinions are way more developed than they were in 2015. And yet, there is something I'm looking to pull back from my Peace Corps days. I need to create!
These days I'm still reading books (not to the same extent I was in Peace Corps, but still), and I'm still listening to music. I am who I am, ya know that's not gonna change. The biggest change recently is that I have a 9-5 job and I have bills like a regular person. At the same time, I don't want to lose my sense of creativity and curiosity. I still want to keep doing new things and exploring new ideas, and most of all I need to create. Creativity is what makes people human. Whatever I create doesn't have to be good. I don't have to share it with anyone if I don't want to. But it needs to be something that I made. Creating something reminds me that I'm an individual and I have my own unique flavor to add to the world.
So yea, its gonna happen. I'm thinking writing and podcasting, because words have always been my medium. Words are important to me and they're how I express myself. I'll probably just post some things to SoundCloud or write some blogposts here just to be able to look back on them and know that I made something. That's enough for me.
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