This is your brain on Peace Corps

I wrote this post a few days ago, just now posting. . .

I had kind of been in a funk and not quite the same ever since site placement last week, and today is kind of the first day that I started to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

When we last left our heroine, she was trying to be upbeat in the face of a small unexpected curveball. Today, she’s kind of cracked, but in a good way. You know when things start out so badly, they can only get better? Yea, that.

Let’s start from the beginning-ish. Group 72 TE went out to Cocle for our Community Entrance Conference on Wednesday and Thursday, aka this event where a counterpart from our community comes to learn more about our role in the community as a last-minute refresher before we, the Peace Corps Volunteers, actually enter the community (all of the counterparts for Teaching English are—duh—English teachers). While there, I was SUPER tired, but I powered through. I met my community counterpart, who informed me that, between the primary and middle school classes, I have 8 co-teachers in my site. EIGHT?! I was gunning for half that many. Begin mini-freak out in my head about how I’m gonna juggle 8 teachers and still try and make it out the University once in a while without leaving the high school students hanging out to dry if they want some Native English Speaker-love. (I know, why do I worry myself so? At times I question my sanity.)

My counterpart seemed pretty cool. She did, however, keep mentioning negative aspects of Darien. Her family is on the other side of the country and she’s only working in Darien in order to earn a permanent teaching position in her home province (as are many teachers who work in Darien). Needless to say, I wasn’t feeling super pumped about heading out there.

After we were done in Cocle (which is on the opposite site of the Canal from Darien, pull out your maps if you don’t believe me), we needed to somehow make it out to my community. In order to do that, we decided to head down to Panama City, stay there in a hostel for the night, and head out to Darien in the morning. Peace Corps gave us a ride into the city (about a 2 hour trip), and we stayed in a hostel, where we ran into—wouldn’t you know it?—more Peace Corps Volunteers. My counterpart and I walked around and enjoyed the weather for a bit, ate dinner, and then crashed for the night. The next morning—surprise!—I didn’t have to catch a bus to Darien, which was cool by me (I have a crap-ton of luggage). My counterpart called up her boyfriend to give us a ride out to my community (about a 4 hour trip).

I was very thankful that I had the luck that my counterpart knew someone kind enough to take us all the way out to Darien, and at the same time I was not enjoying that trip. Once you leave Panama Este heading into Darien, the roads start sucking. I don’t get carsick at all, but that does not mean I was enjoying the back and forth swaying motion of us semi-violently avoiding potholes. As a side note, on the way, my counterpart pointed out what she referred to as the worst prison in Panama and told me that sometimes criminals escape from there. I just nodded my head and grunted in agreement.

Either way, we arrive at my new host family’s house and I’m not in a good mood, but I’m pulling through. I meet my host mom who seems like a nice woman. My eight year old host sister is way excited/interested to have me there, so she’s grinning from ear to ear. I lug my things to my sauna of a room and I’m a little less than ecstatic about the lack of space. I mean, hey, I’m a big person, so when I can’t stretch my legs out, it’s a less than desirable situation.

For lunch I eat the first unrecognizable meal I’ve had since I’ve been in Panama. (Have I not told you about my Iron Chef Santa Rita host mom? Remember the context: I’ve been spoiled up until this point.) I still have some left-over crankiness, but I know I should pasear and not be a bum, so I walk around with my host mom to run some errands, which makes me feel a little better. Despite whatever electrolytes the heat may be draining from my pores, sun and being outside generally make me feel better. Whatever, the rest of that day happens. Activities include bathing/washing hair (mad sweat, yo, bucket shower!), twisting my locks for the first time since I’ve been in Panama (if you don’t know what that means, it’s okay. Sorry white people, I love you, I just don’t have time to explain), eating dinner, talking on the phone for some moral support, and going to sleep.

Day 2 of visit. I wake up, eat some breakfast (pretty standard, chorizo and tortilla, so I’m happy) and go to church with my host mom and sister. This is like Sunday school pretty much, except it’s Saturday. There are songs and children. I stand there like a winner, looking just like a champ, because I don’t know any of these songs, so I’m just watching and nodding. (Sarcasm by the way, because I’m sure I probably didn’t look like a winner, but it’s okay because there’s no shame in Peace Corps.) I think next time I’ll be able to participate, because now I’ve seen these songs once before. I did contribute to the prayer, though! We all stood in a circle and said what we were thankful for. BOOM, I can say that in Spanish without needing previous knowledge of said children’s songs and without exposing my lack of ability to recite the Lord’s Prayer in Spanish.

I come home, clean my room a little bit (I’m cleaning it in stages so it’s not overwhelming) and then I decide I want to get out of the house. I drink some water to avoid dehydration/immediate loss of conscious upon exposure to Panamanian sun, and I set off down the road in the direction of what I believe to be the center of town, more or less. I pretty much just walked down the main road until I got to the Interamericana and went to see what’s available in the biggest supermarket in town. (Spoiler alert: Doesn’t fit into my schema for supermarket, but that’s okay, because I really don’t need much. Giant tienda es suficiente para mi.) I get some cat-calls on the way, but less than I was anticipating, so I didn’t mind it at all, really. That was good.

On the way back I gotta Sprite (I don’t generally drink a lot of soda, but that heat takes it out of you, man!). When I got home, I ate a lunch that I recognized (rice, chicken, coleslaw) and took a nap. Then, I got up, took a shower (sweat, yo), and went to the little tienda to get some laundry detergent. There was no water at that point for the laundry, so I just waited and cleaned my room and wrote a draft of my swear-in speech in the meantime. Later, the water was on, so my mom rushed me to grab my clothes and toss them in the washer so I could strike while the iron was hot (yes, we have a washing machine, whoop, whoop!) Also, what I thought was my host dad invading my room earlier turned out to be him installing a lock on my door. He gave me the keys for the door. Also my host mom put a fan in my room, so it’s no longer a sauna. Also I found out my host brother speaks English. Ok, not fluently, but he DID randomly come up to me while I was doing laundry and begin forming sentences in English. He’s a freshman at the University in town, and he’s studying English. My counterpart is his teacher. I just found that out today. When I first met my host brother, he didn’t seem that interested in the fact that I was present (also I hadn’t talked to him much, since he was mysteriously missing all day), so imagine my surprise in finding out he’s excited to have me. He really wants to practice his English more. And he was missing all day because he had classes all day.

I didn’t tell the story exactly in the order of things that happened, but just know that the fan appearing in my room courtesy of my host mom was the last thing that happened in the sequence of events (after about 20-30% of the unnecessary stuff was removed from my room, thereby creating more space), so when I saw that thing, I was about ready to laugh hysterically and cry tears of joy all at the same time. Somehow, my quality of life just improved by like one thousand percent. Again, I sometimes seriously question my sanity. This is where my life decisions have led me.

This is your brain on Peace Corps.